My Pics

My Pics
Baby with lazer beams

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Inteligence Level...

As we grow, we think to our selves “I will never be like that” “I will never talk like that” and “I will never act like that”

Then you know what happens, we have babies and do the exact things we said we wouldn’t: We are obsessive on levels only the mother and father can understand, we drop our intelligence to make sure we can communicate with them on a sophisticated baby level, and we act like they do.

If you don’t have children but plan on having them in the future, I will tell you now if you ever say you wont do this or that or be like this or that I guarantee you now you will beat yourself up in a mental hammer once you catch yourself doing to your baby.

Now here’s the kicker, why do we act like this to our babies?

Because as a parent you want to make sure you always see that beautiful smile on their face that completely disables you defenses.

The moment they give you that breath taking smile you are a sucker for life, your defenses have been disabled with no luck of restoring it. You want to do anything to keep it there.

And then when they give you that utterly heart breaking puppy dog look that makes your defenses spring up in an instant. You do anything you can to annihilate the thing that hurt them no matter what it is, you are the most dangerous thing known to man that even satin himself would be terrified of you.

Why do we talk to our babies like we too are no older then they are? And why do we act strange?

Because when you become a parent several things happen at once:

We are then given an excuse to act like complete retards and enjoy it; so when people see you acting like that to a baby they automatically dismiss the behavior. And probably the most important somewhere in the back of our sophisticated adult brains we actually do enjoy acting like idiots and deep down inside we love the lack of intelligence.

Over all here is a statement of absolute truth and I dare any parent to deny…Babies and children make adults behave in ways that so strange it’s amazing we are supposed to the smart ones.

Maybe they do this just so they can get the enjoyment of seeing those who think and believe they are superior act like complete dummies. And they laugh and think to themselves “And your supposed to be the smart one? Sure you are…”

Friday, October 16, 2009

My Design...

I can feel it like it’s the major part of who I am instead of just a fraction of me. There is certain music brings some parts of me to the surface more then the rest. I love the way it makes me feel when I listen to certain things, I cant help but react in such a way that connects me in strange ways to the part of me that belongs to that genre of music.

My background is many things ranging from European to North American. Just to list a few things that has a tendency to be more prominent when listening to particular music are Scot/Irish (i.e. The Viking) and the Native American (tribe unknown).

Every time I listen to any Scottish music I can t help but feel the Viking that’s buried deep inside me; she makes herself very known to me. And I have to admit this is the number one part of me that I love the most. The independency and strength of this woman is almost overwhelming. I feel like I am built and designed for that kind of life designed to be able take on the worst.

Every time I listen to Native American music I can feel the freedom burn in me like nothing I have ever felt. I can feel the strength of it, the wild love that just can’t be contained but that also requires the need for companionship of others. The full draw to the natural way things should be for a soul like mine. This is the other part of me that I love the most. I can’t help but imagine living the way things used to be before things got all F’ed up.

Before I got pregnant I made the choice to have my children all natural. When I got pregnant I stuck to that, and then when I had my little girl I followed through with my choice. I have no regrets in that decision; I am more then proud that I did it with out the assistants of full medical intervention.

My Husband told his co-workers that I had my daughter all natural, a female co-worker told him to tell me that she admired that I was able to do it and she called me a Viking Woman. When Chris told me this I felt a great sense of pride and strength. It made me feel really good that I am considered to be that kind of woman.

This makes me wonder if God did this to me deliberately to make me see this aspect of myself so I can be strong enough to endure what this world will do to me. I have suffered a great deal in my life and I am just now beginning to think that these to parts of me God intensified so I can handle the life he knew was coming for me. I barely survived the second worse thing that can happen to a person. And then the next 2 years after that suffered a range of pain that about 98% of people suffer in a life time. If you knew me in high school you know what I am talking about.

So what is this that I have now? More then just the two parts of me that have fought for my sanity these last 7½ years; I have aspects of me that help me keep the two crazy women inside me in check. I love my Viking Native self! She is the independence, strength and freedom I need to stay who I truly want to be.

Who do you have fighting for you?